Sunday, June 22, 2014

Put A Ring On It


Years ago a man I cared deeply about proposed to another woman.  It came as a surprise to our circle because they weren’t a good match.  It was a Monday afternoon when his mother broke the news to me and I could hear the sorrow in her voice over the phone.  I hung up the phone, my body numb as I tried to process what I’d just learned.  It wasn’t until I passed a photo of him and me on my table that the emotions erupted like a volcano.  I sank into a chair and wept. My two puppies immediately hopped in my lap and lapped the salty tears that streamed down my cheeks.  My heart was torn in pieces.

Several weeks later I was shopping and saw an unusual candle holder.  It was a diamond solitaire that sat on a brass stand.  I thought of the man who would never kneel before me, profess his undying love and place a ring on my finger.  Tears welled in my eyes as I bought this symbol of what I longed for but was not available to me.  That was my first diamond so to speak, and since then I’ve made habit of purchasing any jewelry I want that’s in my budget.




Fast forward to the evening of Saturday, March 22, 2014.  Having had a very long and exhausting day was in bed reading and had dozed off. Around 10:30pm I was dreaming of Corrine Bailey Rae’s song “Is This Love” when I realized it was my cell phone.  I didn’t need to check the number, I knew it was _____, the man I had fallen in love with.  Unlike my friend who married another woman, _____ and I were actually dating.  He and I talked for about an hour, discussing our day and other things that couples discuss.  As the call was coming to an end _____ was silent for a few moments.  I wasn’t prepared for what came out of his mouth.

“Ms. Girl,………” 

Warning sirens went off in my head. _____ never used my last name - he had a special name for me.  I didn’t say a word, but I knew what was coming next.

“……..I can’t do this anymore.”

_____ proceed to ramble how he wasn’t being fair to me, how the relationship couldn’t work, how he was busy and couldn’t date me the way I deserved. While he went on and on, I looked at the charm on my bracelet, “First Kiss,” that I’d purchased in memory of the first time his lips touched mine.  I let him have his say, and then I told him how I felt about his revelation. 

_____: I hope we can still be friends

Me:  I honestly don’t see how that’s possible.

_____: Well, you lie down, go back to sleep.  Tomorrow will be a better day and we can see things more clearly.  Goodnight Lady Fluffy.

I hung up the phone, got up and put the charm bracelet I’d taken off in my jewelry armoire.  Returning to bed I took off my glasses, turned off the light and went to sleep.  The familiar numbness had returned.

The Bible tells the story of Jesus walking on the water during a storm.  It happened around the fourth watch of the night, or 3am.  At 3am Sunday morning Jesus walked on the storm brewing in my heart and whispered in my ear, “I’m here, Fluffy.”  I opened my mouth but no sounds came out.  Not until I sensed a gentle touch did the tears come.  _____ and I had talked about children.  He took me to where he’d grown up; he asked if I could see myself living in his hometown.  We talked about trips we would take together, how he looked forward to spending Christmas with my family.  I thought he was the one to place a ring on my finger.

How could I have let myself become so vulnerable?  I’d sought God’s guidance early in the relationship, and I thought I had the “all clear” to open my heart to this man. I began to doubt my ability to discern God’s voice.  Heartbroken, I was like Mary as she washed Jesus’ feet with her tears.  I cried until spent, and then these lyrics by Israel Houghton were dropped in my spirit and ministered to me. The song is “You Are Not Forgotten.”

People walking by

Very seldom they say hi

They don't know how wonderful you are

If they only knew

all the things you've been through

if only they could see your heart

 

I hear you crying for help

Please don't blame yourself

You are not forgotten, You are not forgotten

 
When it's time to go to sleep

And try your best to keep yourself

from falling apart

Hmm...There's no need to fear

because I'm already here

And I'm the One who sees your heart

Yes I am

I hear you crying for help

Please don't blame yourself

You are not forgotten, You are not forgotten

 You are not just a face in the crowd

You are not forgotten, child

Let me whisper it loud, "I LOVE YOU."

"Oh, I love you."


You can hold your head up high

cause I'll make everything alright

I'm committed to you smiling again

And eventually you'll see people's similarities

Everyone just needs a friend, yeah


And when they're crying for help

You'll be able to tell them

Please tell them for me

You are not forgotten,


You are precious to me

I'm the One, I'm the One

Who sees your heart

You are not forgotten

Just remember...you are not forgotten.
You are not forgotten
 
 
 
Sunday after church I’ll be stopping by my favorite jewelry store to pick up a ring that was crafted for me, literally.  This designer does not size rings, so the stones were removed and a new ring was made for me in Florida.  Chocolate and Vanilla Diamonds set in Strawberry gold with a Rhodolite stone in the center.  I don’t believe gems give you power, but it is said Rhodolite helps one receive abundance on an emotional level, stimulating one's sense of self-worth and alleviating feelings of inadequacy.  Interesting….
Sunday is June 22nd,, three months since that phone call.   But you know what? I’m not thinking about him – or should I say “I ain’t studdin’ him.”  
 
I like me, so I put a ring on it. J
Question:  When was the last time you felt Jesus hold you in His arms?
Scripture:  Matthew 11:28-30
 

 

 

2 comments:

  1. At times God is protecting you from something that could have caused you greater heartache or damage.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. Even though _____'s actions hurt, he was never mean or disrespectful to me. He was always kind. _____said he'd prayed over his decision and had peace about ending what we had. We weren't God's best for one another, that's all. I wish him well.

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