I’ve had a relationship with Jesus since I was 11 years old. At this difficult time in my life I realized that Jesus was the only friend I could talk to – the only one I could trust. I didn’t have friends outside of school, and a cousin I was close to developed other interests. Jesus embraced my lonely heart and I fell in love with him. My prayers were not ritualistic, but simple conversations with him.
I wrote letters to Jesus daily in my diary, sharing my hopes, dreams, frustrations and what happened at school. When I put my pen down, I had peace knowing what I confided was safe. For my 14th birthday a friend of my parents gave me a 5 year diary complete with a lock and key. I remember excitedly telling Jesus about all the milestones I looked forward to sharing with him in the brown leather book. My first boyfriend, my first kiss, homecoming dances, my Sweet 16 party, getting my driver’s license, Prom, graduation and going away to college. Unfortunately the only milestone documented was my high school graduation. The other entries began as eager prayers asking Jesus when my hopes would become reality, ending pages later when I tearfully asked why they didn’t. Years later I still have prayers I’m waiting for Jesus to answer.
My ex _____ contacted me in September when he learned I’d badly injured myself (how I hurt myself is an amusing tale for another day). I sensed Jesus telling me to guard my heart, and did. After the initial call _____ said he’d check on me again, and he did so for the next few weeks. On October 10th he called and said he wanted to apologize for how he’d treated me the past 7 months. He retold the story I’d heard before, but this time I time I was able to share my experience of that night in March. I was truthful without playing the role of victim. This led to a lengthy exchange where I communicated my wants and expectations of a long term relationship and marriage. _____ in turn told me how he felt about me, but could not say he loved me yet and had a lot to think about. Red flag. I half jokingly said that was his homework assignment, but I already knew how this would end. I ended the call with these words: “_____, I am a good woman and will be a blessing to the man who makes me his wife. Don’t mess around and get your feelings hurt when that happens.”
That was nothing but the Holy Spirit. Empowered and pleasantly surprised at my calm boldness, I experienced the peace I’d been missing. I believed Jesus had answered my prayer and waited confirmation from _____.
I’d blocked _____ from calling/texting my cell phone, but a little voice (I’m saying I was Jesus) told me to unblock his email. At 2:10 pm today I received the following (abbreviated) email:
“I am very sorry for being an oak tree (shady) for the past couple of weeks…I have not texted or called on purpose because I needed some time to sort things out… As much as care for you, I still can't get over the obstacles in our way… Sorry to cop out by emailing you, but I didn't want it to be like last time...I hope this does not make things awkward between us. I want us to be friends.”
Confirmation received. Jesus, thank you. I look forward to being found by the man who makes me his second priority – you being his first. And I'm thankful I never uttered those three words to him.
Question: Do your trust Jesus with the secret prayers of your heart?Scripture: Romans 8:28